IBS Part I

[warning – contains toilet humour]

Hey Cam’ron, kindred spirit son,
I too get stomach aches from eating nutty cakes,
True, pain has no comparison,
attacked by insoluble-fibre garrison.
Pain tests your faith, turning to God not useless medical men,
Belly cramps repeatedly stabbing my abdomen,
Women say it’s like giving birth over and over again.
Wanna rip out my insides,
find the source n’ brrrata tat tat it with my imaginary Beretta.
Imagine collapsing on the floor, assuming the foetal position praying to get better,
Can’t even concentrate in prayer, intestines feel like dagger fetter.
Lord I’ll do anything make this hurt go away,
agony had long enough stay,
Check out, get out, sayonara!
Tho’ I know you’ll be back again like Ghost Face Killah.

Chorus

My baby mama, mama, and my grandma,
Say that I’m too gordy (too gordy), word to my blue maurys,
This is a true story,
I got stomach pain, don’t matter sun or rain,
Thought that it went away, uh oh, here it comes again.

Subsides for a minute long enough to begin a dream,
Aaaaagh! Rude awakening, in between the sheets – Billie Jean,
– Not my lover no, unwanted advances from a tummy torturer,
Is this how my life will end?
Not life threatening but with you always so make it your friend.
Got to watch every morsel I eat, shun fatty treats,
Spicy kebab’ll lift me off of my feet.
Irritable bowel leaves every toilet smelling something foul,
Need a towel to wipe the sweat from my brow,
Log knows its destination, but chooses constipation.
In and out the bog at every little palpitation.
Symptoms change get scarier and scarier,
rectal retention to watery diarrhoea,
I’m so sincere… from the bottom of my heart; there’s a rumble in the heart of my bottom,
Trumpet blown with gaseous farteous,
quietly leave the room cos’ I am courteous.
Could jest about it then but not laughing now,
Toilet looking like crimson flood,
Damn… I’ve started passing blood.

Chorus

My baby mama, mama, and my grandma,
Say that I’m too gordy (too gordy), word to my blue maurys,
This is a true story,
I got stomach pain, don’t matter sun or rain,
Thought that it went away, uh oh, here it comes again.

(Chorus from I.B.S by Camron)

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~ by B Majnun on November 15, 2007.

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